my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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