i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Randomize
