This house was built for laser tag.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I have aggressive nipples.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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