Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
