3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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