Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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