rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
