...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
