she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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