I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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