You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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