There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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