his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
