Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
