I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
