you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
