Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
