Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
