make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
