I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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