Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
