you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
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That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
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You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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