just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
