So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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