I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
