So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
