I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
