one might say we're banned from that church
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she smelled like a LAN party
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
