Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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