11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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