i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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