When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
