In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
