How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
