my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Randomize
