Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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