Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
