It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
