You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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