Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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