I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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