You're my little dorito
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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