Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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