girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
