What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
