Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
