her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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