Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
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I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
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let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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