I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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