we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I don't deserve a penis
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
