Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
