I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
