dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
