I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
