he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
