I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
