So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
