my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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