Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
