you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
