The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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