The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
