i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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