You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
