Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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