So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
