My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
