Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cannot find my penis.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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