Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
