Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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