best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
