I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
