I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
