just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
