My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
