I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
