I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
