beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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