Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
