It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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